In the words of Sheriff Brackett in a classic film, “It’s Halloween. Everyone’s entitled to one good scare.” Even us lacrosse fans. Yes, it’s the medicine game. We love it because it brings us joy, fun, healing, competition, all sorts of things. Fright isn’t usually one of those things. But make no mistake, there have been some players to be feared in lacrosse. Some are still taking the field, or floor, today. Here are six players who spent, or are spending, their careers striking fear into the hearts of competitors. Happy Halloween, lacrosse fans.
Jordan Wolf - Everyone loves a good jump scare on Halloween. Even if you kind of see it coming, nothing stops it from getting you to jump out of your seat. Of course the masked maniac is standing there behind the door when the nervous babysitter closes it, but when the maniac appears and the music hits, we all pop up with a start. Jordan Wolf delivered lacrosse jump scares. He picks the ball off on the end line, we all know it’s coming, and then with a sudden start, he’s there, leaving a broken defender in his wake and cutting to the heart of the defense. He appears from behind the goal suddenly, and it’s so fast that before anyone can even process the danger, it’s too late. A fleeting moment of fear and then it’s all over.
Graeme Hossack - The Cyborg. In a recent NLLPA survey, players said nobody hits harder than Graeme Hossack. While the subject has yet to come out outdoors, it’s fair to say he’d be at the top of that list too. Not bad for a man (machine?) who, as far as I can tell when watching him indoors, barely wears shoes. Hossack has some Jekyll and Hyde to him. Off the floor, he’s a father, a family man, a winner, and adored by teammates and competitors alike. On the floor, well, he’s the cyborg. He’s also famously been Bane, as pointed out by the Thunderbirds, but really he’s the cyborg. As Kyle Reese said in Terminator, he can’t be bargained with, he can’t be reasoned with, and he absolutely will not stop.
Shawn Evans - In hockey, players can record what is known as the “Gordie Howe Hat Trick” by registering a goal, an assist, and a fight in the same game. The lacrosse version of this would be the Shawn Evans Hat Trick. As a Juniors player for Peterborough, Evans had 656 career points. He also had 575 penalty minutes. In the 2008 regular season for the Rochester Knighthawks, Evans recorded the exact same amount of points and penalty minutes per game, both the incredible 4.20. He can beat anyone, with fists or just at actually playing lacrosse. He won the Minto Cup, the Mann Cup, and the NLL title in a 12 month span. He’s been an NLL MVP. And he’s second all time in the regular season in the NLL in penalty minutes with 667, one off a significantly scary number. Be afraid.
Jeff Teat - It’s always the quiet ones. In the opening minutes of Halloween, Dr. Loomis, when describing Michael Myers, points out that Myers “hasn’t spoken a word in 15 years.” Jeff Teat has in fact spoken in the last fifteen years, but he doesn’t say much publicly. That coupled with the lethality of his game definitely has some frightening qualities to it. You may think you’re safe, you may think he’s bottled up, you may think he’s right where you want him, and that’s when he scores a goal. But he won’t have much to say about it. He’ll step on the field, or the floor, light your team up for double digit points, and after the game look into the game and say “we just executed.” Oh, he executed something alright.
Brian Spallina - If the first stat on your Hall of Fame resume is titles won and the second stat is penalty minutes, safe to say you were probably regarded as a scary guy. He has over 211 career penalty minutes. Nobody else in MLL history cracked 100. Spallina terrorized offenses. Flying around with his hair whipping out of the bottom of his helmet, screaming towards ball carriers in a way that can only be described as murderous. Ray Lewis once said he plays football for one simple reason: to break another man’s will. That’s scary. And that’s also Brian Spallina.
Pat Kavanagh - Anyone who loves a good horror movie knows, you can’t make just one. Sequels abound. We must be on the 30th Nightmare on Elm Street by now, and Jason has been terrorizing Camp Crystal Lake on Friday The 13th for decades. Why? Because nobody can kill the killer. They try everything; all sorts of brutal endings befall the villain, but he just doesn’t stay down. Sometimes it’s just downright supernatural. And that’s Pat Kavanagh. He’s the killer you just can’t kill. And if they made a horror movie named for a holiday with Kavanagh in it, it would be Memorial Day. Because year after year, he returns that last weekend in May, unable to be stopped. Shoulder busted, hamstring made of medical tape, there to (figuratively) end the (athletic) lives of everyone who crosses his path.
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